Welcome back Armadillo!

It’s been forever. I’m loathe to imagine how long! Who knows if any of my old pals remember me!

I’ll start with an update/backhistory. I’ve decided to return to blogging to reconnect with friends and also help keep tract of the effectiveness of my own progress and any positives/negatives of my med regimine.

October of 2007 I joined a livejournal writers group and began reviewing the work of various authors.

April 2008 I moved home with mom and gram.

May 2008 Burtle and I broke up and then my father passed away the day before Memorial Day.

July 2008 was phenominal. Sumo (now 3years old!) became a big brother to Butterfly.

August 2008 I went through another break up but thankfully I had my dear friend Bunny who helped pick up the pieces. Predictably we fell into a relationship of sorts. The one snafu? She’s from the middle of Canada!

September 2008 I returned to the theatre troupe of my youth and was pleasantly surprised to find we had moved into one of the oldest theatres in the country!
October 2008 Bunny and I decided to become exclusive even though we were 2000 miles apart.

November 2008 I had the extreme pleasure to perform in an outstanding production of Annie. Our final dress was the night President Obama was elected. I sobbed through our curtain call rendition of “Tomorrow”.

December 2008 I began rehearsals for a children’s production of Aladdin.

February 2009 my kids (theatre kids of course! still none of my own) put on an outstanding performance and also for some reason seem to think I walk on water. Any kid that is deemed “difficult” I make my special project. 99% all they need is someone to listen AND to respect them. One little boy (about 9 years old) who was deemed as a trouble maker is actually an amazing child. At that age her already plays the violin AND writes poetry. I wanted to smack the adults that treated him like a bad kid. No more of that though. Not on my watch.
I was also FINALLY diagnosed with ADHD and began taking methylphenidate. It began helping but we’ll get back to that.

March-May 2009 Was… INTENSE. The theatre’s spring show had never been set so I offered to direct Our Town. I mean c’mon! No set, no props, how hard could that be? That thing almost gave me an existential crises! But? It was said to be one of the best productions EVER with our organization. Board members, trustees and resident hard asses all told me how proud our organization should be of the production.

June 2009 I spent several days in the hospital due to chest tightness. They asked me several times if it was a panic attack. I said no because I didn’t think I was feeling emotional about anything.
Bunny arrived from Canada for two months to be the maid-of-honor in her best friend’s wedding. Ironically said best friend was born and rasied an hour and a half from where I live. Talk about fate.

August 2009 I was finally diagnosed with panic attacks on prescribed Xanax. Sadly the attacks continued and because I don’t have insurance I was unable to see my PDoc (psychiatrist) on a regular basis. Also our organization is simply overloaded with consumers.
Also I began my stint as Production Manager for TITANIC THE MUSCIAL. Those who have been here before probably know I’ve been obsessed with that damn ship since I was about six years old. I’m now 32.
Lastly Bunny returned to Canada. It was very difficult for both of us but we were so blessed to have the amount of time we had!

October 2009 our TITANIC was the largest attended show in the history of our amateur company.

November 2009 Started feeling flu-ish but was in the process of directing a Reader’s Theatre production of The Odd Couple (female version) as well as rehearsing my role in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I stayed sick the entire month. None the less, The Odd Couple was our largest attended Reader’s Theatre since we reinstated the program.

December 2009 Still sick. Performed in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever with a fever nearly the entire time. A week after the show closed I got sicker and my joints swelled up. Trip to the ER for me and gram (who had pre-pneumonia.) By that time they were no longer test for H1N1 but the doctor said because of the length of my illness, the fact that it would start to feel better and then get worse and the swelling my joints. I was told to sit my ass down and sleep as much as possible.

January 2010 I spent two week out of town at a training session to become a Peer Support Specialist. It was beyond intense but so empowering. PSS is still a somewhat young movement in the Mental Health field. People with Mental Diagnoses who are actively stable go through very comprehensive training and then meet with peers who are beginning or not as far along in their ability to maintain a rewarding life.

February 2010 Bunny came to visit for 10 days during which we spent time in Niagara Falls and then New York.

March 2010 aka NOW A few days ago I held auditions chose my cast for our production of “FOOLS”.

Who’s still around? How are you? Who are you?

All the wasted time

edited to add: I just visited one of my favorite blogs, Patience-please. Patinece is an author, a dog rescuer and quite obviously a beautiful soul. I don’t know her personally but since I’ve read her blog pretty much since she started it, I feel like I do. I knew she had lost one of her closest friends just last week and now her beautiful Very Old Dog, Giacomino, has passed. So. Much. Sadness.

Why yes I have become that person who never updates and when they do its bad This saddens me but I need to get this out.

April 2, I had a bit of a moment shall we say about my show draining me (while the message is to appreciate life, listening to a mother that died in childbirth talk about how much she’ll miss is nearly too much to handle) and finally having the realization that Dad is gone. I was in a horrible place that night. Later my girlfriend admitted she’d been out with a friend and they were being a shade affectionate. She didn’t sleep with her but it still hurts.

April 3, I found out a dear friend’s 101 year old grandmother passed away. I didn’t know her personally but their entire family have been staples in our theatre community for forever. And the girlfriend admitted to spending another evening with her friend. Again they didn’t get intimate but still.

April 4, My 32nd birthday. I was feeling pretty crappy and ran behind all day. But some one I care a great deal for made me a kick ass picture. It’s now my wallpaper on my laptop.

When I first got to the theatre that evening to see “T.horoughly M.odern M.illie” someone told me that Mrs M.attern had died early that morning. We’d never been formally introduced but saw each other constantly. She regularly stuck her head out of the box office to say hello or listen to us rehearse. She was a middle school teacher for forever. Some of my kids at the theatre were her former and current students.

Then during Act II water began pouring from the balcony. A valve had broken in one of the bathrooms and water was draining through every crevice possible including speakers and light fixtures. The show stopped for a time but resumed after we found the water main and moved people etc. I spent most of the time running around gathering garbage cans to catch water in and looking for tarps. Afterward we put tarps on the seats under the balcony and managed to corral people away from the soaked section.

My cell phone broke then. Yes, the one that I just had replaced. The touch screen wouldn’t operate. Thankfully I was at least able to use the voice dialing and and the few actual buttons it has.

April 5, I was still feeling pretty yucky, still running behind. I was meeting with Mitch, the gentleman playing the S.tage M.anager for me in “O.ur T.own”, to go over lines. I hadn’t been there ten minutes when my phone rang. D.evon was sobbing. Mr C.heck, one of my former directors and coincidentally the father of the woman who directed “M.illie”, died unexpectedly.

I’m sure at some point I’ll write a massive dissertation on it. I need to work on my show, though. I’ve made some changes since J.ohn died. I need to finalize them. Without he and C.har (his wife) I may well have not continued theatre.

J.ohn was really looking forward to seeing “O.ur T.own”. It was one of the main things we talked about the last time I saw him. And I couldn’t wait for him to see it.

So many. How many more? My soul is aching.

Dude, snow.

And?  It’s not supposed to stop for 36 hours.  O.O

In ther news, apparently I’m directing she spring show at my theatre.  We’re going with either ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ or ‘Our Town’.  Thoughts please!

It’s November. Do you know where your armadillo’s been?

FYI I’ve decided to start using real names for the most part because not is just getting annoying.  With the exception of the kids and a few adults who have to remain anonymous, psuedonyms shall be no more.

July
1) Started writing again!
2) Baby Ouiser (who shall now be known as Sumo-ette because she looks EXACTLY like her brother) was born.
3) Had back surgery.  L5-S1 Microdiscectomy.  Had numbness and tingling in my left leg for a little over a week.  The fact that it wasn’t worse or permanent is suprising.  The doc told me the disc was herniated so badly he literally had to pry the nerves out of the way to get it all cleaned out.  Having the surgery is the best thing I’ve ever done.

August
1) Started feeling better!
2) Was vaguely seeing someone.  Sort of.  It’s confusing. 
3) It ended and I started vaguely seeing someone else.  Again sort of and it’s confusing.  Maybe it’s something I’ll talk about here.  Maybe not.  At any rate she’s also a dear friend of mine and means a lot to me.  Her name is Bronwyn. 
4) Visited Sumo and Sumo-ette.  And their parents of course  (who will remain anonymous because of the Pilot’s job.)

September
1) Auditioned for ‘Annie’ at my old theatre and was cast in the ensemble.
2) In the process also reconnected with a ton of old friends.
3) Worked sporadically as my gram’s home health worker.

October
1) Started making new friends involved with the production.  Better friends than I’ve had in years IRL. 
2) Made home with mom and gram my “official” residence again and seriously started considering staying permanently.

November, so far
1) Took part in the bang up production of ‘Annie’!

I broke up with Burtle.

It needed to end but I feel horrible for hurting her.

Brief update

I’ll probably write more about this later.  I may just wait until Father’s Day.

We lost dad on Saturday night.  We had the funeral Wednesday.  To say that I’m still kind of drained would be accurate but in the scheme of things I really am doing well.

Pictures of Sumo and Firecracker to come.  As always comment if you’d like the password.

Best laid plans

My sister, J3, called last night to let me know that dad is not doing well.  They’ve discovered bone cancer throughout his pelvis plus other areas.  The doctors have given him two weeks.

I’m rather in shock.  Most of you know that he and I don’t have the best relationship.  Part of me, and that part is rather ashamed, is relieved.  The last two times I saw him, he was a shell of a man.  The first time I didn’t recognize him at all.

I told him I would come see him before the surgery and he told me it wasn’t necessary because he wasn’t planning on dying.  So much for best laid plans.